JJ's first birthday.

Well, in a few short hours the day will be here… the day my son turns 1. I could technically put his birthday off until 2:55 pm and enjoy a few last hours with him as a not yet 1 year old, but I know I have to face this moment and there is no point in prolonging the inevitable. I’d like to say it is a bitter sweet moment, but as his mom, I am not going to lie, it is much more bitter, then sweet. I love that he is growing into a little person who has a personality that makes almost everyone smile. And I love that he is a happy and healthy baby. But I absolutely hate that he is 1 year closer to not being a baby and a kid and eventually he wont need me like he does now. I hate that this year has gone by so fast. It feels like I just brought him home from the hospital last week. It blows my mind that a year has gone by.

As I was sorting through his 0-3mo clothes last night, getting them ready for the arrival of Frankie, I couldn’t believe how small he used to be. I mean he is only roughly 11lbs heavier now then he was when he was born, but that 11lbs is pretty substantial. Just another sign he growing too fast.

At 1 year old JJ can take about 5 steps before falling, he has a vocabulary that surpasses most babies his age (some of his favorite words are mom, dada, sponge bob, uh oh and wow), he runs like a mad man when he is behind his walker, he wakes up almost every night just to cuddle with me (not dad, only mom), he eats everything we put in front of his except black olives, he has a “so sweet” face, he loves sponge bob, and cant stand to be cooped up in the house all day. He is an AMAZING little boy and I am very blessed to be his mother.

Being JJ’s mom is the best thing in this world. A year ago I was troubled with the idea of this whole stay at home mom gig. I knew it was what God wanted me to do but I had just graduated law school and I did so well that I knew I could get a job. Plus the drowning in student debt didn’t help either. I struggled majorly making this decision. One of the key people who made me see the light was Doctor Laura, she is a child psychologist who is on satellite radio. I have listened to her forever. Well, during my pregnancy I was listening to her show on the way to work and one the things she told a caller with children who was struggling with going back to work was that “No one will love your children like you do.” She went on to say that even if you found the best day care provider in the world that that is not as good as having the child’s mom at home. That hit me hard but I still struggled a bit with this decision. Then I talked to some people about this decision and one person in particular said to me (on a facebook post believe it or not) that “you will never regret putting your children first.” And that statement was the nail in coffin for me. I had to believe that was true! I loved JJ from the moment I knew he was growing in me, and I knew that God would not have given me such a precious gift if he didn’t have some sort of plan to make this all work out. And from the moment I knew of JJ’s existence he was has been the most important thing in my life! So knowing all that, I had to believe that I would never regret putting him first and I also knew that no one in this world will love him like I do.

So decision made, and a year later, I am here to tell you this is by far the BEST decision I have ever made. I still don’t know how my law degree is going to pan out, I want to go solo from home when I get my results back from the bar (pending I passed). But I don’t care what it takes, I will stay home and enjoy every moment with my kids. This year proves that the time I have with my kids goes by way too fast and I am not willing to give that precious time I have with them to some other effort. I don’t even know how other people do it. I couldn’t do it.

So all that being said, in a few hours my boy will be 1, and I will no longer count my sons age in months, but years. Being his mom is a true gift and I will cherish every moment of it. Happy Birthday JJ, I promise I'll try not to cry too much.