Now what????

So I am officially done with law school. Don't have my grades back from my last semester yet, but I don't think I failed any classes. A matter of fact I left those finals really confident. So now what?

Good question. I realized the other day what my problem was. I don't have a plan from this point on. I have officially come to the end of my "plan." I literally have everything I have ever wanted. I have always said I want to grow up, marry a great man (check), buy a house in Saint Clair (check), live close to my family (check), go to law school (check), and have kids (almost check). That is it. That is where my goals ended. And when I think about it, it is odd to have a plan to go to law school but nothing planned for after. I don't know why I never thought passed law school. So I am struggling on what next because up to this point things have ended up exactly as I wanted them too (yes there were hiccups getting here, but I am here). I don't know what I want next and the options seems to be limitless. Which I guess is good, except I don't know where to start. Everyday I change my mind on what I want to do with this degree. I know I need or should at least pass the bar, but then what? Practice law? Use my JD in another way? Part time? Full time? For an employer? Self employed? Really there is a number of things I could do and where do I even begin to decide what it is I want to do.

Then of course there is Jason Jr. to consider. For awhile I had some severe guilt about being a working mom. That guilt took about 3 days to subside after I finished classes and realized how I am bored out of my mind. Don't get me wrong, I know there will be plenty to do once he is actually here and raising a child is no joke, but I don't think the full time stay at home mom gig is for me. I fully intend on being a full time parent and I fully intend on doing the best I can to work a work schedule around my little guy, but I don't think being stay at home mom is the only thing I could do. I need more, I need my plate so full that I have panic attacks regularly. I don't feel right without a good panic attack here and there. I need to have my life so filled with things that I only have 4 hours to sleep at night. I like it that way. I like my sleep deprived, running on empty life. I feel like I am accomplishing things and I feel like I am making a difference. I would ideally like my life to be filled with things that I think have purpose. Raising Jason Jr. obviously fulfills that, but whatever I do for a career, I want it to have purpose. I don't care about the money. I care about paying my student loans off, but after that, I really don't care.

So again, I leave it up to God to place me where I am needed and where I can fulfill a purpose. I want to fit into someplace where I feel comfortable, where I can thrive and where I can succeed. Here is to praying.

Oh and for those who want a baby update... no JJ yet. My ultra sound says I am measuring for a due date of 8/24 but my doctor thinks it is probably wrong. He still is planning on 9/14 maybe a week early if JJ keeps getting big. As of last week I was not dilated at all.. so who knows when he will show up!