So in 9 days or less my second child will enter this world. I'd like to say, having been through this whole process once already, that I am fearless and confident and know what to expect. However, that is not the case. This time around I have a lot of the same fears I had with JJ and some new ones.
Just like with JJ I fear the laboring process. Sure I am more educated and know what to do this time around. But round 1 with JJ was awful. 2 hours of pushing, him getting stuck in the birthing canal, and lets be honest, labor hurts, it is just not a good time. Anyone who says they enjoyed pushing out a baby either is lying or has some how forgotten what it is really like. On the day I arrive to Heaven and God and I sit down and chat, this will be at the forefront of our conversation. I get Adam and Eve but there had to be a better way.
And like with JJ, I fear sleepless nights! Now with JJ I don't remember that many sleepless nights and I know for sure by 9 months he was sleeping a solid 12 hours a night. My husband remembers JJ's first few months differently then I do, but to be honest, he requires more sleep then I and has less patience for screaming children then I do. I remember for sure worrying about JJ's 4 hour feeding because he was sleeping WAY too long and having to wake him up to feed him. I also remember that during the day he ALWAYS slept at first. Now I am not saying it was all roses, kittens and sunshine, but it was good for the most part. The worst of it was the hours from 7pm until about 10pmish when he got colic. That sucked but 10 isn't so late and it was during prime time tv, so I cuddled him while I watched tv and it was only a few weeks. In addition, I remember his lungs not being fully developed and JJ gagging a lot. But we have prepared this time around for that by buying a better bassinet that elevates the baby and will prevent gagging in Frankie's sleep hopefully. But overall we had it pretty easy with JJ. Now I am terrified that this one will be one of those devil children I hear so much about! The ones that don't sleep and have made a deal with the devil prior to entering this world.
A new fear is how is this going to effect JJ. Our life, right now, is perfect. JJ is a perfect little boy, he sleeps through the night, he loves mommy and daddy and it is good. But now I can't hold him whenever he wants or cuddle or give him 100% of my attention. Somehow that doesn't seem fair! I just want him to still know we love him and just because we have another angel to love doesn't mean we love him less. But he is only 1, I don't know how to make him understand it.
And somehow, despite being through this once, I do not feel ready for a second child! I mean I have his clothes, I have everything he could possibly need. I have diapers, formula, and in the event I dont have something we have the means to get it. I have his bassinet all ready, the playroom is 90% there and yet I just feel like I can't be due already! How did time fly by so soon! I haven't prepared JJ enough, I haven't prepared me enough! How did we get here so soon!
I know we will be okay and we are prepared, I just don't feel like I am and I am not good with the unknown. Just when we got into a great routine with JJ and life finally feels normal again I have to throw another baby into the mix.
That all said, I am excited too. I am sure once the shock of actually setting an inducement date wears off I will be stoked for this! We love Frankie already, we know he is going to bring greatness to our lives and regardless if he is as easy going as JJ or the exact opposite, it will be worth it, he will be worth it! I can't imagine what it will be like to have 2 sons to love. Having 1 has been the BEST thing to ever happen in my life, a second can only be better!
And the best news :) Since I have only gained 10lbs this entire pregnancy I will be weigh less after Frankie is out then when I started this pregnancy :) lol. A matter of fact if I lose as much as I d
id with JJ I will be real close to my pre JJ weight :) And I am not going to lie, I want my body back. Don't get me wrong, after I had JJ I missed him in my stomach. I even cried when I got home and took my first shower at home and realized he was downstairs with my family and not with me in my stomach! But 2 summers in a row... 2 summers of maternity clothes... I want my clothes back! I am sure I will miss being pregnant a little, but something tells me I wont miss it as much as I did with JJ.
So there you have it... let the countdown begin!
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